


Out of Place

by ThroughtheMirrorDarkly



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Depression, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reader-Insert, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-06-20 22:19:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15543375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly/pseuds/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly
Summary: When Saito Rittou, a former Chuunin turned Courier-nin, ended up spending a night in jail with Jiraiya after she attempted to keep the older man out of trouble and stop his drunken shenanigans, she never expected it to be the first of in many events that would bring her low.But an old friend might be her salvation.Kakashi/Reader





	1. Out of Place Pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. This is just to challenge myself as a writer, and hope you enjoy.  
> Pairing: Mild Kakashi/Original Female Character  
> Prompts: “So…what are you thinking?” “How I am going to take over the world.”/ “You get accustomed to the smell.”/ “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.” “You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”/ “I don’t go looking for trouble, but I do enjoy befriending it.”/ “Nice change in scenery.” “It’s a jail cell.” “I was being sarcastic.”/ — _All prompts do not fall in order as they are listed and some will be edited slightly to fit the scenario_ —  
> WARNING: I haven’t written or read or watched anything Naruto related in so long that I barely remember anything pertaining to it. I read one fanfiction the other day, and that’s about it. I can’t recall much about the series, and have looked up certain facts to make it is flow nicely, but I am not a hundred percent about the characters and their personalities, so forgive me if anyone seems OOC. AN: If you are a stickler about canon timelines, then this story is not for you. I haven’t watched Naruto in so long and never finished watching the series, so I don’t know the ins and outs of the entire timeline so I’m fudging up the time when Kakashi was a Genin and around there, so if you aren’t one to like that then jump ship.  
> Second WARNING: This reader has PTSD along with bipolar disorder. I know that the Konoha village has Yamanako Ino and others who work with mind abilities—for interrogation and healing purposes from what I have read—but I don’t think it’s a cure for mental illness. So the reader does have to deal with these mental health issues that resurface during the “low” periods, in the form of severe depression, self-doubt and more.

“Out of Place Pt 1” 

an _Naturo_ one shot

* * *

“Well, this is a nice change in scenery.” 

Saito Rittou must have done something horrible in a past life. That was the only reason to explain her recent bout of karma, or perhaps she was being punished for giving up a life as a Chuunin—teaching and guiding the next generation—for being a Courier-nin. Delivering missives had given her a way to see the world beyond Konoha’s borders like never before without a high margin of chance of fighting like other types of work would have. It wasn’t an easy going task, but was by no means as dangerous as a Jonin lifestyle. And now because her reluctant fondness for the flamboyant “Pervy Sage” Jiraiya, she now sat in an eight by ten cell. She glowered at the spiky white haired older man with red stripes tattooed underneath his eyes, who sat back on the solitary bench so nonchalant and without a care in the world. “It’s a jail cell,” she stated, her voice so cold that icicles practically formed upon her lips. 

It was entirely possible that icicles formed on her lips, given the Saito’s family Kekkei Genkai was based around the frosty element and called, _Fubuki_. Her sleek long hair black hair as dark as the night had been undone in the middle of the scuffle; her high swept ponytail drooped and strands stuck out here and there. A bruise formed on the underside of her right eye, swelling up on the apple of her cheek. Her rounded wide set dark garnet colored eyes flashed with annoyance and if she had a weapon in her hand, she wasn’t sure she had the willpower not to plunge it through his smug features. Even if the sight of blood would have her passed out, she felt it would be worth it. 

Jiraiya opened one of eye, and regarded her with a deadpanned look. “I was being sarcastic.” 

“Forgive me, if I can’t tell the difference from your natural state of being,” Rittou said, in a clipped tone. She reached up using the edge of her sleeve to wipe the blood off of her pale skin, the scent and feel of it made her stomach turn and her heartbeat a little too quickly. Swallowing down the rising panic, she paced around the jail cell, eyeing the bars with distaste. Her nose wrinkled when she ventured too close to a bucket sitting in the corner. “What the hell is that smell?” 

“Probably the piss pot,” Jiraiya chuckled. 

“Ugh,” she made a disgusted noise, and walked to the other side of the cell. 

“You get accustomed to the smell.” 

Rittou sent him a withering glance. “I don’t intend to spend so much time in jail that I get accustomed to that—that stench,” she growled out, her hands curled into fists at her side. “I cannot believe the Hokage had me deliver a message to you of all people, and now we are in this mess.” 

Jiraiya burped, his breath smelled greatly of sake. “To be fair, you delivered your message. You didn’t have to stick around and help me out of trouble—or should I say help me get into to trouble?” The man grinned, unrepentantly. 

Rittou paused, looking away from him. It was quite true. She had delivered the letter and there was no reason for her to stick around. She didn’t have to try to save Jiraiya from his drunken shenanigans, but how could she turn her back on a man who had been her honorary uncle when he was faced down with four men? He likely deserved the thrashing, with all the flirting and more he did that incurred people’s wrath. But even if he deserved it, Rittou was never one to leave someone she cared about behind to fight alone. She couldn’t be a person who did that, not like her own mother. Shaking her head sharply at the thought, Rittou folded her arms over her chest and sighed heavily. 

“So…what are you thinking?” Jiraiya prodded, when she had been silent too long for his liking. 

“About how I am going to take over the world,” Rittou replied. 

His eyebrows shot upward. “Really?” 

“Of course not!” Rittou rolled her eyes. “I’m thinking about how to get out of here. If you do not recall, the woman you were fraternizing with was the wife of the town’s leader. I doubt that we will get out of this jail cell soon or be able to send a message to the Hokage for aid. So…” 

“So?” 

“We are going to have to break out.” 

“Look at you,” Jiraiya smirked. “Prisons changed you, Miss Live by the Rules.” 

“Go fuck yourself sideways with your Icha Icha Paradise books,” Rittou hissed, between clenched teeth. She hated the nickname that had followed her through her Academy years and afterwards, all up until she officially retired as a Chuunin to become a courier-nin. “Now any suggestions about how we can get out of here? If we are too obvious with our escape then we will have the guards on us in a flash, and I would rather do this without another fight.” 

“If you stopped pulling you punches out there, we would have made it out just fine the first time and wouldn’t have been locked up in here,” Jiraiya commented, off-handedly. 

Rittou bowed her head. It was true. If she had just been able to fight with all she had instead of holding back, they could have been out of the village and into the forest where the village guards wouldn’t have the advantage. But… 

_“We have to go, Rittou! There is no time!”_

_“No! No, mommy! You can’t leave him behind!”_

_A squirming child thrown over her mother’s shoulder who was about to dart out the open window, and the child lifted her head to see her father ripped wide open by _kusarigama_ thrown by a shadow figure. The blood split everywhere, and she screamed when it splattered across her face._

“You know I can’t spill blood,” Rittou spoke, her voice barely more than a whisper. In her time as a Genin, she had been groomed to rise the ranks and eventually become a Jounin as her parents before her, and her grandparents before them. It became apparently quite quickly that while Rittou was skilled and had a near flawless technique, she did not have the stomach to be an accomplished shinobi. Spilling blood and taking lives was inevitable when being a ninja, and Rittou had a fear of blood—the taste, the smell, the sight of it all weakened and made her sick. Sometimes, she even lost consciousness. 

She fought against her fear, went on missions with the determination to conquer it, but when she became a liable rather than an asset, she approached the Hokage about teaching children instead. He agreed after hearing her reasoning, and she started working at the Academy right away. She worked there for years, but the weight of everyone’s scrutiny upon her—“what a waste”, “such a shame”, people would say about her giving up and settling for the rank of Chuunin and her mother’s disappointment was the worst of all—eventually drove her away the village that was her home. 

It didn’t matter that she was good at teaching the kids, or that she had found a niche and had managed to make good friends. It was never enough to break out of the shadow of her family’s legacy or wear down her mother’s seething anger, so she changed profession once again and kept herself busy, never stopping for long. Life would be easier if she had been made like other shinobi, created with enough strength and courage to do what needed to be done, but she hadn’t been made that way. 

She had been made “weak”, according to her mother. No matter what, she would always be found lacking. 

Jiraiya lost his smile, and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Right. I forgot about that.” 

Several tense seconds ticked by, before the white haired man cleared his throat. “Why don’t you use your feminine wiles on the guard?” He suggested, regaining his signature smirk. 

“What?” Rittou’s eyes rounded. 

“It’ll be easy!” Jiraiya stated, encouragingly. “You just have to seduce them and get the key!” 

“You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage,” she gaped at him, like a fish—a very blushing and awkward fish. 

“But you’re a sexy cabbage.” 

“What the fuck is a sexy cabbage?” Rittou fumed, throwing her hands into air. She whipped around, giving him a sharp look before she pointed an accusing finger at him. Slowly a lethal expression crossed her face, Rittou took a slow step towards him. “You! You are just look for cannon fodder for you stupid books, you pervert!” 

“If I wanted to use your life as cannon fodder for my books, I would write about your weird push and pull dance with Kakashi but with an ending where at least one of you gets laid,” Jiraiya muttered, underneath his breath. 

“I heard that!” Rittou snapped. Her cheeks had turned bright red, her stomach twisting violently inside her. Her relationship with Kakashi was… _complicated_. Growing up close together, they had been friends as children and that friendship was solidified with their time at the Academy. It had been after they graduated when the fractures began to happen, when they were on the same Genin team and Kakashi had tried to have her back during that time. Kakashi had already been a prodigy, graduating from the academy when six and rise through ranks of the ninja at a startling pace. He should have been prepared for anything, and he would have if she had not been there to hold him back. When he had gotten hurt on a C-Rank mission because of her, she had felt like such a failure and had realized how much danger her inability—her fear of blood—could cost all those around her out in the field. Kakashi was one of the most important people in her life, and the thought of losing him, crushed her. So when she had quit the field work and gone into teaching, they hardly saw each other. 

It had set a dismal pattern that followed for over the last decade. They hardly seemed to have a friendship, only seeing each other in passing and that hurt on a fundamentally level. A piece of her—a nagging doubt that lingered with her since forever—always believed that Kakashi must have been angered that she let him down. That she broke the promise that they made to each other, that they’d be there for them on their quest to raise through the ranks and there was a knot lodged in the back of her throat painfully. The times they saw each other, Rittou always felt like there was so much that needed to be said and when they parted ways, the words would settle upon her heart like a weight. She felt so foolish to think that she had fallen in love so young, but she had fallen in love, and it had endured despite it all. 

She felt like a masochist determined to break her own heart, raking herself across the coals. The rumors of his many conquests felt like a knife to the gut, and what was worst was she knew that she had no legit claim upon him. She was just a childhood friend that he occasionally gave the time of day, and spent time around when Anko demanded a night out drinking. Having Jiraiya poke fun at it, Rittou felt the humiliation and mortification swell up inside of her. She felt so pathetic and worthless, and fought hard to conceal those feelings. 

“Will you two shut up in there?” A guard demanded, just down the hallway. 

Rittou gritted her teeth together, brushing the loose strands of hair out of her face and drew in a slow, deep breath. Her hands wrapped around the bars, and she was half tempted to just freeze them to the point that they became brittle, but the shattering noise would draw too much attention. She rested her forehead against the bars and there was a long moment where she had to grapple with her pride, wrestling it down and swallowed it. Releasing a huff of cold breath, her pupils flashed bright blue and then she called, “Guard! Guard, can you come here, please?” 

Jiraiya gave her a look out of the corner of his eye. “What are you doing?” 

“Just be quiet and let me work,” Rittou ordered, the vein on her temple visibly throbbing. 

The guard looked pissed off and marched up the cell. Rittou tried to adopt a coy look that she had seen other women use, and flutter eyelashes enticingly, and tried to turn her body in such a way that enhanced her subtle curves. Jiraiya sat there, watching her flirt with the guard—if it could be called that—and then his head dropped down. “We’re doomed.” 

* * *

_Konoha Village_

_Two Days Later_

It was well into the afternoon by the time the walls of the village came into plain view, and the trees started to thin out. 

“I still can’t believe you froze him solid.” 

“He groped my breast,” Rittou glared. “Besides, we got the key and got away. That’s all that matters, right? I mean, other than you having to explain this to the Hokage,” she added, the edges of her mouth curled into a smirk. 

Jiraiya gaped at her. “You would allow me to take the full force of this responsibility for this?” 

“Yes,” she replied, without delay. They had been stopped at the gates, as per usual and had to explain their delayed return. Once she pointed the finger at Jiraiya, the shinobi instantly understood much to the older man’s chagrin. It was nice and not nice to be in these familiar walls. There was safety in familiar things, but also familiarity breeds contempt. It was like being balanced on a tight rope, and her feelings would depend on which way she fell. Though she would be glad to see some familiar faces, like Anko’s, Kakashi’s, and even Gai’s. 

“Cruel woman,” the old man pouted, sullenly. 

“You’ll be fine,” Rittou said, with a roll of her eyes. “The Hokage never holds your wicked ways against you, even if he should.” 

“Wicked ways? I never took you one to be prone to dramatics.” 

“I learned from the best.” 

“Touché.” 

Rittou bid the man farewell when the ANBU arrived to “escort” him to the Hokage’s office, and tried not to worry about the implication that Rittou would soon have an audience with the most esteemed elder in due time. To most likely get the full story behind the chaos, it would be no skin off of her nose. A quick trip to her apartment and a shower and dressed in fresh clothes, she went out in search of food. She never kept her apartment stocked when she was gone, and had no desire to go shopping. She had even less desire to actually cook. She walked down the familiar path to her favorite little ramen shop when she stopped short at the sight of Kakashi and his new Genin team, sitting there at the bar with steaming bowls of ramen in front of them. 

It was impossible for her to not notice Kakashi. He just had this presence, this ability to magically draw her eyes to him no matter what. She was always highly aware of him when he was around, even when she couldn’t outright see him. She knew the way her heart started to thump faster, a sensation of warmth and dare she say it feeling of _safety_ and _contentment_ would roll through her. It was swiftly followed by a wave of anxiety that left her tongue tied more often than not around her one time friend, (or maybe still friend, she just didn’t know. She was afraid to know, afraid of rejection. She had been rejected enough, she couldn’t handle anymore.) Taking in a deep breath, Rittou made her way forward and proceeded to the order a bowl of pork ramen. 

“Rittou-chan! You are back!” Naruto said, loudly. He was always vibrant like the sun, his personality so big and it was hard image that anyone could hate him. But ignorance was a thing, and many people in their ignorance treated the poor horrible and dishonor his late father’s memory thought Naruto did not know just who his father had been. The Hokage ordered it to be this way, though she wasn’t entirely sure of the motivations behind that. He said it was to protect him from those who would assassinate Minato’s son, but was living tormented by the civilians in this village a kinder fate? It was a circular argument that Rittou could never solve, and only left her heartsick. 

“Konnichiwa, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke,” Rittou smiled at them, her head cocked to the side. Sakura—named for her hair that was pink like the blossoms—was a young girl who was intelligent though she did have quite the crush on Sasuke that often made her seem ditzy at times, though she was growing steadily past the fleeting feelings. Sasuke was quiet and observant, his face often expressionless and reminded her of the pale full moon on a cloudless night. The three couldn’t be further apart in personalities, but their skills worked well together. She had high hopes that they would be great shinobis in the future. Her eyes wandered past the three twelve year olds and to their teacher whom had his head in a familiar book. “Hello, Kakashi-san. How are you fairing this afternoon?” 

It was surprising to see Kakashi—who was often outwardly unsympathetic and grueling task master—sitting so idle with his team, and enjoying what seemed to be a moment of peace. Or perhaps a sneaky, underhanded attempt at bonding, she reasoned. He would do exactly something like that. 

“Reading and eating,” Kakashi replied, vaguely. 

“Eating?” Sasuke scoffed, turning his head back towards his sensei. “You haven’t eaten—” His eyes bulged when he saw the empty bowl of ramen in front of his teacher, and gaped like a fish out of water. 

“But—but how?” Sakura asked, confused. 

Naruto growled, underneath his breath. “Rittou, you distracted us! We missed Kakashi-sensei take off his mask!” 

A burst of laughter erupted from her before she could stifle it, and she threw a hand over her mouth, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “So that’s what is going on here. You all bring Kakashi-san to get a meal and try to sneak a peek, huh?” Rittou chuckled, sitting down in the empty seat beside Naruto. Her eyes went past the kids to Kakashi who sat at the other side. “So how many free meals have you gotten out of them so far?” 

“Six,” Kakashi replied, ever so pleased. His mask hid his mouth, but she could tell he was smiling by the way the lines around his eye crinkled. “I take it that your deliver didn’t go as planned, seeing how you were supposed to be back a day ago.” 

Rittou didn’t know whether to be pleased that he cared enough to learn when she was supposed to return, or irritated that he was trying to get some gossip. Despite his nonchalant nature, Kakashi loved to learn about the gossip all around the village. He liked knowledge, and knowing things that others didn’t. It drove Anko crazy that he did not share anything that he learned, without a hefty price and good reason to do so. “I may have gotten caught up in one of Jiraiya’s messes,” she admitted, a bit pink faced. 

“What did the Pervy Sage do now?” Naruto asked, in between scarfing down his third bowl of ramen. 

“Made friends with the wrong person.” There was no way she was explaining that Jiraiya’s exploits in any way, shape or form with his godson. Not that Naruto knew that bit of information; the blond only knew the man in passing, and through his unflattering reputation that ran rampant in the village. The day Jiraya fessed up to his connection to Naruto, Rittou had every intention of holding the Toad Sage in place to let Naruto get a few good hits in. “So how did you mission with the bridge builder go?” That was apparently the wrong thing to say because a somber air fell over the group, and she watched the three droop in their seats. She felt a knot wedge in the back of her throat, knowing instantly that something had went wrong on the mission and these kids saw death before they were meant to. It was always inevitable in a shinobis work to be confronted with death, but it was heartbreaking to see a little bit of innocence chipped away. “I apologize for bringing up a wound that has not healed. If any of you ever need an ear, I have two I would be happy to lend.” 

“Thank you, nee-chan,” Naruto said, smiling at her. He always called her that. Nee-chan. The other teacher in the Academy had tried to have her discourage him from calling her that, stating that such attachment was highly inappropriate, but she didn’t mind Naruto seeing her as his older sister. She disregarded what the others said and went out of her way to take care of the boy, making sure he had food and fixing up that wreck of a house that he lived in by himself. _If Yondaime Hokage could see what the villagers had done and how they treated his son, he would have left them to burn underneath the Kyuubi’s wrath,_ she thought to herself, feeling sick to her stomach. She was shamed that she did not step in during the first few years of Naruto’s life. For a brief time, Minato had been her mentor when she was trained alongside of Kakashi, Obito, and Rin. (An uneven number of students at the Academy had led to the group of four, but it eventually became three when Rittou left.) 

Minato was the one who had heard out her fears and had allowed her to leave the Genin team, to pursue a life as a Chuunin. He was the only reason she achieve the rank of Chuunin. The Chuunin Exams hadn't been reinstated given the heightened tensions between villages, and so any tests to determine rank had to be done in house so to speak. He had vouched for her, giving her a glowing recommendation. He had gone from being her mentor to being a loyal friend and confidant, and she felt like she failed him. It wasn’t until Naruto was six year olds that Rittou started to make an effort to help him out, despite all the people who treated her like the plague afterwards. It still felt like too little, too late. Naruto had already been abused—verbally and physically—and had seen an ugly side to the world as such a tender age. He still managed to be bright and hopeful, even after all he endured and somehow that just made the guilt all that worse. The village didn't deserve Naruto, that much she was certain of. 

Pulling herself out of such depressing thoughts, Rittou nudged Naruto’s shoulder with hers playfully. “You’re welcome, otōto,” she said, with a warm fondness shining in her eyes. “Now eat up. I’m paying for everyone’s meals.” 

Naruto’s eyes gleamed brightly at that. 

“You are going to regret that,” Kakashi warned her, a dry tone in his voice. 

“My pocket book will regret it,” Rittou smiled, with a slight shrug of her shoulder. “But me? Never?” 

The mood started to ease upward, but there was an underlining tension that could not be missed. Rittou felt guilty knowing her question had put it there, so she did her best to alleviate it by joking with Naruto and talking about the designs the tailor had created for young woman to be able to be fashionable and hide more than a few weapons while at it, but Sasuke was not so easily pulled into the conversation. She didn’t know the quieter of the three all that well, but she could tell that there was a question on his mind that he wanted to ask. She opened her mouth to inquire, but Kakashi beat her to it. 

“Is there something you want to ask Sasuke?” Kakashi asked, flipping the page of his book carefully. His eye however wasn’t on the page, but his young student who sat next to him staring stone faced at the empty bowl of ramen. 

Sasuke didn’t immediately answer, or reply. Instead, he drew a deep breath as if he were slowly collecting his thoughts and looked up at Kakashi, staring him right in the eye. “There is…something that has been bothering me about our mission,” he stated, pensively. 

“Oh? And what would that be?” Kakashi asked, turning another page. 

“What is it about Gato that made you so angry sensei?” He asked, his tone direct and blunt. “Is it the way he betrayed Zabuza and Haku? Or something else?” 

Kakashi went still for a brief second, a slight tell that showed that he had been caught off guard by his Genin’s question. He hummed underneath his breath, closing his book with a snap and setting his cup of tea down—which had Naruto in huff because they somehow missed him taking off his mask again!—and turned to face the dark haired boy more square on. “In the ninja world, trust is a very sacred and precious thing. You have to rely heavily on your team and your allies, having to know that your back is safe from enemies and know that whoever is guarding you is loyal to the end of the line. Those who abandon their comrades, who break their commitments like Gato did, are worse than trash.” 

Rittou felt like all the air had been punched out of her lungs, and a sickness spread through her heart like molasses, and she fought outwardly to not show the emotions that lanced through without mercy. Did Kakashi view her like that? That she abandoned him and Obito and Rin? That if she had been there things might have worked out differently? That she was trash for failing to conquer her fear and walking away? Nothing in his behavior ever indicated that he thought less of her, even if there interactions were very few and far between, but those types of thoughts were insidious. Like a seed, they grew inside of her mind and took root whether she liked them to or not. She stifled such thoughts because it wasn’t her feelings that mattered here right now; it was the kids’ feelings that matter. They needed reassurance and answers after what they had gone through. 

“Nee-chan? Are you alright? You’re very pale.” 

_Of all things for him to notice,_ Rittou thought, her stomach trembling. She tried to wave off his concern and mustered up the best smile she could. “It’s nothing. The travel here was more…taxing than I had original anticipated. A good night’s rest and I’ll be as good as new,” she told Naruto, with a laugh. The laugh sounded wrong, it was too high pitched. The kids didn’t notice, but she knew that Kakashi did. He didn’t even more than a millimeter, but she caught the slight twitch of his eye, and her eyes darted down towards her half empty bowl of ramen. “Want the rest?” She gestured to the bowl, and Naruto eagerly picked it up and devoured the rest. 

Rittou paid for all the food, and rose off the stool. She put a smile—it felt too tight and unnatural—and ruffled Naruto’s hair playfully which he protested loudly. “I have to go, squirt,” she said, relenting only after his hair was a mess—well, more of a mess than usual. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?” 

“Okay,” Naruto bobbed his head. “See you later, nee-chan.” 

She murmured goodbyes to the rest of the group before she used the _shunshin_ technique to rush from the Ichiraku Ramen Stand as fast as possible, and when she finally exhausted herself, she found herself outside of the ryōkan. She stared at the warm colors of burgundy that made up the tiles of the rooftop, and the white siding of the building that was clean and pristine. The door was opened, ever so slight letting out the smell of freshly baked bread and honey dew that was inviting and welcoming, but it all felt like a façade in her eyes. She knew the person who ran this ran the traditional inn, and Lady Saito Leiko was anything but welcoming or warm. 

Rittou stepped into the building, leaving her shoes pointed towards the doors before she stepped up from the genkan and into the room. It didn’t take her long to see where her mother stood by the fireplace, dressed in dark green silk kimono with a dark black dragon embroidered along the fabric. Her face painted white with heavy rice powder, lips painted red as the rose, and misty eyebrows drawn on that neared her forehead in a style like noblewoman from centuries ago. Her sleek dark black hair styled in a _kurokami_ fashion, finishing the look. She was speaking down to an employee when her eyes caught sight of her daughter, and her lips thinned out in obvious displeasure. With a haughty wave, she dismissed the distressed employee who fled the room like the hounds of hell were after her. 

“Mother,” Rittou bowed at the waist. 

“Daughter,” Leiko greeted her, with the smallest inclination of her head. “I see you have seen fit to return to the Village. Have you finally given up these childish pursuits of travels and distant lands to make an effort bring your family some honor?” 

Her back stiffened ever so slightly. “I work within the Hokage’s confidence, passing important messages. One would think that is worthy of honor in and of itself,” Rittou replied, her tone cool and distant. 

“Honor?” Leiko spoke, her upper lip curled into a sneer. “What honor is there with a daughter that runs around philandering, with ruffians and thugs most likely? The rumors I have to endure at the civilian court because of you.” 

“Baseless rumors always pass,” Rittou said, with a sharp smile. “You should know, considering how many you’ve started over the years.” 

“Mind your tongue,” Leiko said, cuttingly. 

“Why would I when it is the best weapon in my arsenal to deal with you?” 

Leiko raised a cold brow. “So that’s why you came here? Looking for a fight?” 

Rittou hesitated, for a split second. It hadn’t been her intention of coming here at all, so why had she? She supposed maybe in a way she was looking for a fight. Anger felt better than the emptiness that gnawed at her insides, and anger felt way better than the guilt that Kakashi’s words had managed to invoke, so maybe she was looking for a fight. 

“You were always so hot tempered and errant. I had sought to stomp your father’s ways out of you, but like a weed, you grew up just like him,” Leiko told her, with a derisive look up and down. Her eyes lingered on the bruised knuckles and the split lip, before she folded her arms delicately over her frame and sniffed delicately. “You are not suited for the life of a shinobi, any sense of the manner and you will soon find you do not have what it takes to be a courier-nin, just like you didn’t have what it took to be a Jonin and Chuunin. You should find some common sense, and settle in a marriage while your body is still young. There are several clans that would be more than happy to tie their names to ours, and as long as you manage to provide an heir then you will finally manage to do something with your life instead of wasting it on useless nonsense.” 

“I am not some cattle to be bred for your profit,” Rittou hissed out, her eyes flared with her anger. Her hands curled into fists at her side, and she could feel ice prickle along her skin. The temperature of the room steadily declined, and the flames in the fireplace flickered at the unnatural wind that swirled around. “You never approved of me following in my father’s footsteps, even before my…ailment became known. You just wanted a child that you sell to the highest bidder like your parents did to you.” 

Her mother’s eyes narrowed into slits. “You were always such an ungrateful child. If you had not destroyed my body when you came out of the womb, and I had been able to produce more heirs, I would have left you that night,” she told her daughter, with a cold and taciturn. Those jade green were always filled with a cold rage when she regarded her child. “Why couldn’t you have been a better child?” 

Rittou flinched, despite herself. Part of her truly believed that her mother did truly wish she could have done that night, having grown up her whole life hearing about how her mother hated being forced into an arranged marriage and felt that marrying herself to a Saito—not matter how much prestige she had gained because of it still to this day—had been lowering herself below her station. She was so prideful and arrogant, meticulously crushing any ounce of joy that Rittou got out of life when it became apparent that her child would never been the lady she envisioned. (She was surprised that she hadn’t taken away her friends, but she supposed her mother always hoped that Rittou would either align herself with the Hatake or Uchiha clans.) 

“I was never what you wanted, mother,” Rittou said, her voice harsh and her breath cold—so cold that it was it visible in the air between them. “Or have you forgotten? Another lecture, another insult isn’t going to change that now.” 

“Then why are you here?” Leiko countered, her words as swift as a knife. 

“I don’t know,” Rittou admitted, after a moment. “Habit, I suppose. One that I will work to break,” she added, turning her back on her mother. She stepped down to the genkan, retrieving her footwear before she marched out of the ryokan. Dark clouds had overtaken the bright orange sky and she walked down the street, with drops of rain pelting her softly. The intensity of the rain grew with each passing second, and the rivulets froze to her clothing and skin only seconds after it touched. She walked for what seemed like forever until finally she came to set upon a bench in a secluded corner of the town, away from the building and houses. Away from prying eyes, Rittou collapsed on the bench with a noise that rattled up her chest one step from being a sob. The water around her started to ice, and her clothing was now hardened like a shell, but she didn’t notice it. 

Her mind was too numb to pay attention. The Saito Clan—the Souls of Winter, as they were nicknamed for the icy abilities passed down through the bloodline—was feared by many, given the ruthlessness of her ancestors. When the last Saito—Akihiro, her father—had married her mother, and produced an heir, it had apparently sparked the anger of someone who wanted the line to die out. 

An assassination attempt took place, and her mother had grabbed her, escaping with her. Rittou fought, not wanting to leave her father behind. Maybe her mother had thought her father would be strong enough to fight off his attackers, maybe she thought the ANBU guards would get there fast enough, but all those maybes didn’t change the cold cruelty of that moment. It was a traumatic and devastating loss for Rittou, losing the only parent that treated her with kindness and love. Her mother viewed her child as her duty done and little more than that, so she had been little to no help when Rittou had been scared by seeing her father slaughtered. Anytime she had cried or had nightmares, her mother would treat her like an annoying insect. A dark part of her wondered if her mother’s apathy stemmed further and that she had been responsible for that night. She had heard it whispered before, but no one dared to make the accusation without clear proof. 

But had she become like her mother? Rittou had left—abandoned—her Genin team when it became apparent she couldn’t fight and take a life. How would she help protect her friends if she couldn’t fight for them to the fullest? She had felt like she was holding them back, and would be a burden that could get them killed. _Obito and Rin died anyways, so much for walking away to protect them. And Kakashi sees you as trash so you still lost so what difference did your choice really make?_ the voice in the back of her mind taunted her viciously. She had been many times to Yamanako Inoichi to help with the darkness that enveloped her mind from time to time, when it became crippling and she couldn’t claw her way out. 

But it always deceptive. Like something slithering underneath the surface of the dark still waters of her mind before it resurfaced and struck out like a lightning, and threatened to unravel her completely. She drew in deep gulps of air, trying to calm the storm that threatened to rage inside her mind. What Kakashi had said that ramen stand had made the emotions inside of her that had been stewing inside of her for the last few come up to a boil, but her mother’s utter revulsion for her blew the lid off said pot, leaving it all boiling over. She raked her fingers through her hair, unaware that she was leaving a trace of ice as she did so. Her skin had started to pale and lips turn blue, for even she wasn’t immune to long term exposure to her ice and her chakra fluttered inside of her dangerously. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF PROMPT  
> IF YOU HAVE ANY DIALOGUE PROMPTS YOU WANT TO SUGGEST TO BE IN PART TWO, FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST THEM! :D
> 
> Kakashi and Rittou’s Main Theme – “After the Rain” by Cinema Bizarre  
> Gah, I’m a sucker for tragically flawed and beautiful ships as well as original characters. I can’t help myself, lol. The prompt started out so silly and easy going, and evolved from there. Hope you enjoyed it. Also, I want to note that while I use one prompt or more in a chapter doesn’t mean I won’t use that prompt again down the line for another one shot or different fandom. Some are just too good to be used only once. I’m not an expert in Japanese, but I did try to research reliable sights for facts to make the one shot more immersive. If anything is wrong, please let me know so I can fix it. :D  
> 1.) Rittou, pronounced _ry-tou_ , means “early winter” in Japanese.  
> 2.) Ryōkan is a traditional style Japanese inn that date back to the eighth century A.D. during the Keiun period. Hōshi Ryōkan was founded in 718 AD, and was also known as the world’s second oldest hotel.  
> 3.) Genkan is right on the inside of the threshold of a ryokan, and even though it is on the inside, it considered part of the outside. It is considered good manners to take off your shoes, pointed towards the doors before stepping up further into the room.  
> 4.) Leiko means “arrogant” in Japanese. Leiko styles herself as a geisha, studying poetry and art while running the ryokan with a benevolent front.  
> AN: If you like an OC or Reader story plot from this Prompt Playground and would like to adopt it, making it into a longer fic, just comment below. I would love to make several of these a longer story, but don’t have time so if someone else likes them enough to do so, I will be a loyal reader. :D  
> Leave kudos and a comment, why don’t ya? (PS IF YOU LIKE THIS THEN GO VISIT MY "PROMPT PLAYGROUND" STORY OR OTHER WORKS!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: When Saito Rittou, a former Chuunin turned Courier-nin, ended up spending a night in jail with Jiraiya after she attempted to keep the older man out of trouble and stop his drunken shenanigans, she never expected it to be the first of in many events that would bring her low. But an old friend might be her salvation.  
> Author’s Note: It is so strange writing Naruto sometimes. In some ways, they do have modern technology and advancements, but in other ways like particularly vehicles, they are so slow to advance. I guess because shinobi learned how to travel so fast and such, they never saw a need for them. The technology is very sporadic in advancement, but like I said, it might be that the world just advanced in area where the need was greater and computers (8-bit from what Kishimoto has said), guns which are non-existent given how deadly shinobis are in other ways, weren’t necessary. Necessity is the mother of all invention, after all.  
> Pairings: Kakashi/OC  
> Inspired by the song:  
> “White Blank Page” by Mumford and Sons
> 
> I want to thank Pat_Morais, BellamyHawkins, ShawneeXSavage, OsamuTheStorm, greasergirlalex, Yui123 and the 9 guest who left kudos on my work!
> 
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> I want to thank OsamuTheStorm and Pat_Morais for the comments! :D
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> I want to thank Jazz_Rose0523, greasergirlalex, and Yuri123 for the bookmarks!  
> This story was original two chapters, but after writing it, I realized I wanted to make it a bit longer. So it’s a three shot instead of a two-shot. :D

“Out of Place Pt 2”

* * *

Kakashi was not a shinobi that was easily unnerved. 

It was a sensation like ants just underneath his skin, prickling like needles and he didn’t care for it one bit. He strolled down the street, as nonchalantly as he ever did with his signature novel in front of his face and he idly flipped the page without really reading. His eye scanned the page, but he could hardly comprehend the letters to make sense of them. His mind kept returning to the moment at the ramen stand where Rittou had sat there, her face blanched white and eyes wide. The too high-pitched laugh when she reassured Naruto that she was merely tired and he had been thoroughly unnerved by it. 

Rittou was…complicated. She was haunted by a lot of demons like the rest of them, but she always managed a smile and witty retort as if she could just shrug them off. As if she took every bad thought with a grain of salt, and Kakashi had felt envious of her ability to cope through her pains. _But what if she didn’t cope? What if she wears a mask just like him, but only hers is better hidden than anyone could know?_ The thought speared through him, and gives life to fears that he hadn’t allowed himself to think about in years. 

“Kakashi, my eternal rival!” Maito Gai’s voice cracked across the streets like thunder, causing a group of birds that had been sitting along the power lines to fly off. The tall muscular man with his glossy ebony hair that was been the same bowl cut since they were children, and brows that were so thick that one could mistake them for caterpillars sat upon his prominent brow. His signature green tracksuit with his tactical vest and pointed a finger dramatically at Kakashi who stood there, oblivious. 

“Hmm? Did you say something?” Kakashi asked. It was the blasé line he fed to Gai every time to get under the man’s skin, but this time the question was a bit more genuine than those times. He honestly hadn’t been listening to what Gai had been saying, too lost in his thoughts not that he would ever openly admit to being caught so unaware. 

“Gahhh!” If Gai were a cartoon character, he would literally have a sweat bullet on his face and steam coming out of his ears. He flailed his arms about as if Kakashi’s disregard had been a physical hit and he needed to steady himself on his feet. "Kakashi! You make me so mad! Why do you have to act so cool?!” 

Kakashi was about to ask Gai what was new challenge the man had up his sleeve this time, but there was something on the breeze. An icy scent that felt wrong for this time of the year seemed to sweep down towards them, and there was something about the sensation that was familiar. He couldn’t put his finger on it. “Hm…something doesn’t feel right. There’s a strange chill in the air,” Kakashi murmured, slipping his book into the left breast pocket on his vest. His eyes scanned their surroundings keenly, and his brows were furrowed into a knot. 

“IT’S YOUR ATTITUDE THAT’S CAUSING IT!” Gai accused, stomping his foot downward only to slip on the patch of ice there on the side of the street. In a mess of thrashing limbs, the Might Guy fell down his backside with a painful force. There was a bit of pain etched onto his face, but his playful and almost childish behavior dropped in a split second. He was on his feet, sitting back on his haunches and staring at the patch of ice with an intense gaze. “Ice in the summer? Most out of place.” 

Kakashi narrowed his eye. He walked over slowly and cautiously, staring down at the puddle was now frozen solid. He could see a trail of iciness that spanned from the puddle up the concrete path, and about twenty feet away on a bench was the unmistakable form of Rittou, motionless and covered in a layer of frost. His heart jolted with one hard thump in his chest before he ran at full speed to the woman, and knelt before her; it was only a split second later that Gai was there by his side. 

The entire bench was covered in snow and ice. The air was so cold that it was biting, like the lash of a whip and Kakashi even all covered up struggled in the face of it. Rittou was unmistakably responsible for the ice, given her blood limit and the way her chakra was mindlessly swirling inside of her like a storm without end. Kakashi was surprised that the ANBU patrol had not yet investigated the burst of energy, and maybe it was because it moved so insidiously—inching along in increments, little bursts that would have been easy to overlook if one didn’t get right up and personal in Rittou’s space. 

Her skin was so pale and her lips looked so blue. A tremor—the brief tremor ran from her head to toe—before her body would still once more, and Kakashi realized how dangerously out of control she was. Rittou had always used an ironclad control when it came to her _Kekkei Genkai_ , because her body could only withstand the cold for so long before she, too, started to suffer from the effects of it. 

His hand on instinct moved out to touch her, but Gai with reflexing like lightning caught his wrist. “You don’t know if it’s safe to touch her. She is not in control of herself nor her abilities. She could hurt you,” the Noble Green Beast of Konoha told him, with a stern yet sympathetic glance. 

The Copy Nin sighed, heavily. He could not fault Gai’s reasoning. 

“Do you think she’s been put underneath a genjutsu?” Gai theorized, uncharacteristically serious. 

“I don’t know,” Kakashi ordered, his voice dark and unrecognizable even to himself. He pulled down his mask to reveal his Sharingan eye and his long lithe fingers created symbols of _Genjutsu Gaeshi_ to emit a bit of his own chakra into Rittou to disrupt the caster’s influence, if she had truly been caught in the throes of an illusion. His chakra was swept into the swirling torrent that spun onward inside of her without falter, and he could feel the tailtale snap of a genjutsu broken. Yet Rittou still sat there with a vacant and empty look in her eyes that sliced a deep part of his soul open. “It is a genjutsu, but my reversal technique did not counteract it.” 

“You doubt yourself too soon. Look,” Gai replied, gesturing to the ice. The snow and ice had stopped getting worse. 

But it wasn’t enough, the painful thought lanced through him. His heart thundered through him with his hands clenched into fists. After a few heartbeats, the ice started to recede away, but the thaw was so slow that it didn’t erase the danger that Rittou faced with hypothermia. Her body temperature couldn’t be magical melted like the ice and snow had been. She would need medical attention as soon as possible. 

“Ka-akashi,” Rittou whispered, voice barely audible and slurred. 

“Rittou? Rittou, can you hear me?” Kakashi questioned, his eyes searched her face. 

Her hand reached out, startling him though he would never admit it and gripped the front of his uniform in a shaky hand. Her eyelashes held drops of rain—or tears? he wondered—that had been crystallized and glistened like diamonds in the street light. “I-I didn’t want-t to aband-don you…” Rittou spoke, her voice very slurred. Her eyelids closed and opened, slowly and there was such exhaustion and sorrow etched onto her features. Her lips trembled with shaky and thin breaths that rattled through her chest. “I…I didn’t want to l-leave you, Obito or R-rin…I just wasn’t s-strong enough.” 

Kakashi felt like all the air had been knocked out of him, his eyes going round as he stared at her with shock and disbelief. He barely heard the stunned gasp that Gai emitted behind him, his sole focus was on the woman in front of him that struggled to find her way back into reality through the fog and cold and pain that she was going through. “Rittou,” he shifted back, but her grip on him tightened with a surprising strength from the ailing woman. 

“P-please, do-don’t go,” Rittou’s entire body shuddered with a broken sob. “I didn’t w-want any of you to d-die be-because of me. I-I couldn’t…I couldn’t…if s-something happen to y-you because of m-me…I couldn’t…I couldn’t…” Her body slumped, like a puppet’s whose strings had been cut off and she fell forward off of the bench. It was only Kakashi’s arms that kept her from sliding completely to the ground. Her head bobbed, as she fought to keep it up and in the end, she collapsed forward with her forehead resting upon his shoulder and she trembled in his arms like the last autumn leaf. She was so cold and skin was deathly pale. The ice that had encased her in a thin layer of ice from head to toe had melted away, but she was still so, so cold. In all of his years, Kakashi had never seen Rittou lose control like this even when she had been deathly afraid. 

Once upon a time, Kakashi had a far different mentality then the one he sought to instill into his students today. In the aftermath of his father’s suicide, he had lived his life by believing the mission was priority no matter what the sacrifice, even if that sacrifice came in the form of a teammate. That’s what he told himself during training, and he thought he had the determination to stick by it. 

Except he had made a promise. 

Rittou, the lonely little girl, who had become his shadow—his friend, asked him to make a promise. A promise that they would have each other’s backs until the end, and he never realized the weight of such a childish promise. He had never realized that it was the code he truly lived by (and that somewhere along the way Rittou had gotten him to include Obito and Rin in that promise as well.) He didn’t even realize how much he lived by that promise when he had almost made the ultimate sacrifice for the girl—who always had a smile for him, who held him when he got the news of his father, who stood up for him with the fierceness of a lion even when he didn’t deserve it. 

A C-Rank mission turned violent when a group of criminals crossed there path, and Rittou had been paralyzed by the sight of blood when she used her ice to throw spikes, killing a man. Another charged her and threw his kusarigama, and Kakashi on instinct grabbed Rittou, placing himself between her and the killing blow. He remembered with agonizing detail the look of horror and the scream that rippled up her throat, before everything turned black. He never learned what happened to the rest of the criminals, Obito and Rin had been very vague on the outcome of that fight. All he had learned after shortly waking up in the hospital in Konoha was that Rittou had requested to be disbanded from Team Seven immediately. 

Kakashi made a few choices then that were not his proudest moments. His friendship with Rittou became strained to the point of non-existence due to missions and his own foolish pride. Even as he told himself she had made a wise choice, that her aversion and fear of blood would hinder them as a group and that she was a liability to a missions success, a small part of him smarted with betrayal. She had broken their promise. He had her back, breaking his own ideals to protect her and she walked away. He had her back, so why didn’t she return the favor? It was only two years later that he realized how naïve and rash he had been to rush to judgment. It wasn’t until two years later that he realized just why she had broken that promise, and came to understand his deepest fears. 

She didn’t fear not completing a mission. She feared _death,_ and not her own death. It was the death of him, Rin and Obito that Rittou feared to see, to be responsible for. Kakashi came to that horrifying epiphany knee deep in Obito’s blood as he watched his teammate—his friend half crushed by a bolder and dying. The lesson had only been driven deeper into him when he watched the light drain from Rin’s eyes and knew he was responsible for it. That’s what Rittou must have felt, he realized, when she held him bleeding and near death after he saved her life. The sheer painstaking helpless that cut bone deep and realized that something so precious—that a person hadn’t even realized was so vitally important—slip away and there was nothing they could do about it. All they could do was live with the weight of the consequences. 

When he finally returned to the village, Kakashi had imagined himself approaching her. He imagined explaining why he had been so cold and that he understood now why she made the choice she did. She broke a promise to spare them as much pain as she could, or try to even if it hurt her in the long run. He couldn’t bring himself to do. He made up a hundred justifications as to why, ignoring the way they rung hollow in his head. Anko was the only reason they really saw each other, but there was a distance, one he had put there, always lingering as a barrier. Still she had smiled at him, treating him better than she should have, and he had assumed she had moved on with her life. She seemed happy with going from a teacher to the courier—the Hokage was way too paranoid to rely on electronics—but obviously, she wasn’t as happy as she led everyone to believe. 

Kakashi regretted so much in this moment. He should have repaired their friendship, but he told himself that he’d just end up hurting her again. He never wanted to do that again. It seemed, Kakashi thought cradling her head to his chest and holding her body with a touch so tender like she was made of glass, he ended up hurting her anyways. 

“She doesn’t like hospitals,” Gai commented, with a deep frown on his face. 

“I don’t intend on taking her there.” Kakashi shook his head, slightly. Rittou hadn’t liked hospitals, and not just because of the blood, but the many times she had visited there as a child. She never explained why she hated them so badly, but he had taken a look at her medical file in his days when he was an ANBU. She had been hospitalized for accidents and wounds that did not match up with the careful girl he knew. Kakashi knew her mother was a woman who was only tolerated in this town due to her former marriage, and knew the woman had been downright vindictive. It wasn’t a leap to assume there had been abuse. “Go find Anko please, and tell her to run to come to my house as soon as possible.” 

“Nani?” Gai looked horribly confused. “Why would she—are you taking home with you?! But what about medical treatment? And—” 

“Rittou is in no danger of frostbite anymore, and I know how to handle someone with hypothermia,” Kakashi spoke in a tone that was all business, but it was the look in his eyes that gave Gai pause. The look of someone so close to losing control and desperately trying to rein it back in that made the Noble Green Beast cease his protests. 

“I…Understood,” Gai nodded, with a stern-faced expression. 

Kakashi gave him a quick grateful look before he used the _shunshin_ technique to quickly get to his house. He threw his door open with a bang, and was grateful that he had little to no neighbors to actually complain. He flipped on the switch to light up his living area before he set her down on the couch carefully. With a steady hand, he moved the strands of hair that cover her face away and tucked them behind her ear. “Rittou, I need you to wake up. Come on, just wake up a little bit.” 

Rittou let out a small aggravated breath, her eyelids twitched until they pulled open just a fraction to peer down at him. He wasn’t sure of just how much she was aware of, but the small movement reassured him nonetheless. His hand reached upward, his finger skimming the underside of her jaw to keep her focused on him and he said, “Rittou, you are too cold. We have to get you out of your wet clothes, alright? I need your help. Just stay awake long enough to help.” 

Her head bobbed, ever so slightly. A noise rumbled in her throat like she meant to make words, but her lips didn’t move. She didn’t have the energy to even really speak, let alone move but somehow she found the strength to lift her hands to the buttons of her shirt. Kakashi undid the strings of her boots, and pulled them off with ease. Her blue socks followed suit, and he glanced up to see Rittou fumbling with the third button. Her fingers were like jello, unable to grasp and hold on to the buttons to get them loose. Her breathing sped up with frustration, and Kakashi swallowed slightly before he grasped her hands, pulling them away. Forcing himself to face this task with a clinical detachment, Kakashi swiftly unbuttoned the shirt and slid it down off of her shoulders. 

He fought to keep his eyes from admiring the milky white skin that laid beneath her clothing and keep his hands from reaching out to see if it felt as smooth as it look. He wasn’t a blind man. He had noticed the way the mousy thin young girl he had known had flourished into a beautiful woman in the years that rolled by. He hadn’t been the only one to notice what a catch Rittou was. The only one that didn’t seem aware of it was the woman herself, and that was utterly frustrating for a number of reasons. He carefully slid her arms through the sleeves, and dropped the shirt to the floor with a wet splat. This was never the way or the circumstances that he imagined undressing Rittou in, and he had imagined it often enough that it was probably to the point of being unhealthy and obsessive. 

His eyes flickered to the scar—an old scar—that ran across her collarbone that had been unmistakably made by a knife. It amongst the other scars reminded him that Rittou didn’t have a carefree life, and that she fought her own battles to still draw breath today. She was an amazing and beautiful woman, a survivor who had a resilience that wasn’t found often in people nowadays. It’s what drew him to her in the first place, the small and thin lonely girl that wore a smile even in the rain when she had been ‘accidentally’ locked outside of her home and left there for hours. No matter how bad the circumstances, Rittou always smiled. 

But that smile had changed. She still smiled, but there was something vital lacking in it. The same spirit—the vibrant light had changed into something darker, and Kakashi for the life of him couldn’t recall when it had changed. Only that somewhere along the way, it had. She had even made the bleak times in his life brighter just by giving him a smile, and being there for him, even she didn’t know the impact she had on him. 

_It was a game of cat and mouse, of hide and seek._

_Rittou hadn’t been allowed to come home until dark, and Kakashi had no reason to be home any longer so they trained from sun up to sun down. And sometimes, their training took a playful edge like it did right this second. His heart buoyed with excitement, his eyes scanned the green stretch of yard to the tree line about twenty feet away, and he knew that her hiding spots were number. He had searched elsewhere first because Rittou was small and often from a niche or nook to shove herself in that others could not reach. Today, she had been in none of the usual places which means she found a new area which made him pleased. It made things a little more challenging._

_He realized where she must be, when his eyes flickered to the tree line. There was an old cluster of trees that had grown so close together that Rittou had named them “The Twins” and there was a gape just big enough for Rittou to hide in. She was tiny for the age of twelve, and spry enough to mold herself into any spot she could choose. He began to walk the edge of the yard, but as soon as he was within arms’ reach, Rittou sprang out of the hiding hole and tore across the yard at a neck breaking speed. He was just behind her, so close that he could almost touch her, but Rittou was always so fast. Always just a little bit ahead and out of his grasp._

_She was almost to the base tree when he shoved forward to tackle her, and they both went rolling around the ground in a mesh of flailing limbs and hysterical laughter. They rolled to a stop, both lying prone on the ground and gasping to catch their breath. Rittou flopped on her belly, tilting her head to look at him and grinned broadly. “You caught me this time,” she giggled, eyes alit with mirth. “You are getting faster.”_

_Kakashi flushed with pleasure at her praise. “Soon I will be faster than you,” he boasted, sitting up and crossing his legs._

_“And then I’ll be the one who has trouble catching you,” Rittou added, with a light snort. She got to her feet with a little jump, and picked up a stick to draw in the dirt. She could never just sit idly sometimes. For a few moments, they enjoyed the breeze and the content sounds of nature all around them. “Hey, Kakashi…”_

_“Yeah?” Kakashi asked, looking up from the butterfly that landed on his hand and he was studying with an intense gaze._

_“Why do people like to kiss?” Rittou asked, wrinkling her nose. “I saw Obito kissing Rin the other day like the old people do, and I don’t understand why they’d do something so gross.”_

_Kakashi flushed, slightly. He had along with Obito had read some books in the corner of the run down bookstore, so he knew what kissing and stuff was all about. He hadn’t ever been kissed before and was slightly jealous that Obito managed to get kissed before he did. “Uh, no,” he lied, sweating bullets. “I haven’t ever really thought about it.”_

_“Hmmm.” Rittou bit her lower lip, and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Do…do you…you know,” she said, her face turning red like she had a bad sunburn. “Do you want to kiss…each other?”_

_Kakashi sat there for a moment. “Yeah. Okay.”_

Kakashi didn’t know why the memory came to him now. He recalled how they both stood there, facing each other so nervously. Her with her hands twined behind her back, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against her—his mask pulled down out of the way, and it had been a sweet, chaste kiss. There hadn’t been fireworks like the romance novels described, no fiery passion, but there had been something sweet and warm like honey. It had caused his stomach to flutter and his heart to sped up, and he knew he wouldn’t regret it if they kissed again. They never did quite get the chance to, though. Everything had fallen apart shortly after that. 

He dropped her pants into the pile of clothes, and pulled the blanket thrown across the back of the couch, wrapping it around her quaking body. She was already back into a deep slumber, and he left the room to gather up more blankets and some pillows. When he came back with his bounty, he found Anko by the fireplace getting it up and running while the purple haired woman sent concerned glances out of the corner of her eye at the unconscious figure on his couch. “How is she?” Anko questioned, her voice light and serious. She was so far removed from the loud and brash woman she normally was. 

“Not as bad as when we found her,” Kakashi replied, “but not out of the woods yet.” 

“Gai said she was attacked with genjutsu,” Anko said, with a hard edge to her face. Whomever responsible would no doubt find themselves in for a long stay in T&I underneath the purple haired woman's tender care. Anko was batshit crazy, not that many people blamed her given that she was tutored underneath Orochimaru, but she had few friends within the village. Rittou was one of the few people that Anko would level an entire village for. 

Kakashi nodded. “I’m going to call Inoichi and see if he can come identify it when she is better. The chakra may be gone, but genjutsu leaves wounds that don’t fade right away. We might be able to figure out who attacked her,” he replied, setting up the pillows in front of the couch. He set the blankets down with great care before he started removing his vest, and of course, Anko couldn’t resist making a comment even in these circumstances. 

“Whoa, whoa, Kakashi slow down,” Anko chuckled. “Allow me to appreciate the strip tease.” 

Twin spots of red appeared on his cheeks that were thankfully hidden by his mask. “She needs body heat. It’s one of the best ways to get rid of hypothermia,” he defended his actions, throwing his clothes haphazardly to the ground without a care. The sooner that Rittou got back to a normal body temperature, the sooner she would be alright. That was his main goal. 

“I know,” Anko held her hands up, in mild surrender. “Just wishing I had brought some cash to tuck into your boxer shorts that’s all. I’ll just settle for giving Jiraya ideas for his next novel.” 

“You wouldn’t…you _would_ ,” he corrected himself, shaking his head. He walked over to lift Rittou in his arms, and he was amazed at how light she was. Too light, he noted with a knot growing in his stomach. He had noticed it when he had stripped her down to her bra and panties, the way her ribs stuck out too much. She wasn’t to the point of emaciated, but she had definitely lost an amount of weight that she couldn’t afford to lose. He settled with his back braced against the couch with pillows cocooning them from both sides, and facing the fireplace with Rittou settled with her back against his chest. He re-situated the cover, and Anko placed the extra blankets over them with a surprisingly gentle amount of care. 

_She is still so clammy and cold,_ Kakashi thought and wrapped his arms around her tighter as if to will his heat into her. She fit perfectly against him, cradling by his body as if she were made to fit in his arms and he felt his pulse throbbing in the base of his neck. Kakashi mentally berated himself for the thought. He didn’t need to think about her like that right now. Right now, he had to focus on her getting better. That was what was most important. 

Anko stared down at him, with a strangely bemused and judgmental look on her face. 

“What?” He barked out. 

“You are ridiculous, you know that right?” She stated, with a mirthless smile on her lips. “You strip down to your undies, completely comfortable with the woman in your arms, and yet you still keep on your mask. Tell me, does it really shield you that greatly?” 

Kakashi glowered up at her. “That is not a discussion we are having.” 

Anko clucked her tongue, shaking her head side to side. “You know, for you two to get past whatever tension is between you two…the masks are going to have to come off. Yours and hers,” she said, with blunt honesty that she was known for. 

The door to the house flew open and shut, revealing a flustered Gai who braced his back on the door. His chest rose and fell with desperate gulps of air, and his cheeks were redder than ripe tomatoes. In one hand, he carried a neatly folded pair of shirt and pants. In his other hand, was a tangled mess of underwear and bras. He could see the unspoken question written on both Anko and Kakashi’s face, and if it were possible, Gai turned even redder. “I—I thought to bring some of Rittou’s things since she would be in need of them, but I panicked when it came to searching her undergarments drawer. Naruto was coming to visit her, I think,” the Green Beast admitted, looking like he very much wished for the ground to swallow him whole. Tears of mortification gleamed in his dark gaze and he bowed his head with a heavy sigh. “So I’m almost a hundred percent sure that your team and my team saw me leaving Rittou’s house with her possessions.” 

“Are you serious?” Anko cackled, loudly. 

Kakashi resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall. “Did they follow you?” 

“No, I escaped,” Gai dropped to his knees, “but not with my dignity!” 

“Dignity smignity,” Anko snorted. “Hand over the undergarments, panty thief!” 

“I am not a panty thief!” Gai denied, hotly. He handed over the clothing all the same. Anko neatly stacked the clothes on the couch behind Kakashi and Rittou. 

“Alright, Kakashi, it’s now in your hands,” Anko said, wiggling her fingers in his direction with a naughty smile on her lips that bespoken of innuendos. “Now it’s up to you to use that special body heat of yours and work some magic to bring the spark back into Rittou. I’ll have Yamanako stop by tomorrow when she is better. As for you, Gai, I think we need to have a talk about your wicked ways. Breaking into women’s house and going on panty raids—” 

“Gurk! I did not—that is not—it wasn’t like that!” Gai was mortified. 

“If you two are quite finished,” Kakashi glowered at them, unbuckling his vest with quick and dexterous fingers. He watched Anko tug Gai out of the door, teasing him about his ‘nightly’ activities and they made sure the door was locked behind them. 

Rittou made a soft noise in her sleep, curling backwards into the warmth of his body. Her entire body slid against his, with her backside pressed right against a part of him that he was struggling to keep down because now was not the appropriate time for him to get “happy”. Her face turned with her cheek pressed against his chest, and she unconsciously nuzzled him like cat. Kakashi let out a low groan and closed his eyes. 

He was in for a long night. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF CHAPTER!
> 
> This chapter was to give insight to Kakashi, while the next chapter will wrap things up nicely. Hopefully. Unless the story gets longer, again. (Gai is so hard to write for. I think out of all the characters in Naruto, I have the most trouble with him even though I enjoy him in the series and such.) Thank you all who enjoyed this! :D
> 
> Leave comments and kudos if you feel like it! :D


	3. Out of Place Pt 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. This for me to challenge myself as a writer.  
> Summary: When Saito Rittou, a former Chuunin turned Courier-nin, ended up spending a night in jail with Jiraiya after she attempted to keep the older man out of trouble and stop his drunken shenanigans, she never expected it to be the first of in many events that would bring her low. But an old friend might be her salvation.  
> Author’s Note: It is so strange writing Naruto sometimes. In some ways, they do have modern technology and advancements, but in other ways like particularly vehicles, they are so slow to advance. I guess because shinobi learned how to travel so fast and such, they never saw a need for them. The technology is very sporadic in advancement, but like I said, it might be that the world just advanced in area where the need was greater and computers (8-bit from what Kishimoto has said), guns which are non-existent given how deadly shinobis are in other ways, weren’t necessary. Necessity is the mother of all invention, after all.  
> Pairings: Kakashi/OC  
> Inspired by the song:  
> “White Blank Page” by Mumford and Sons  
> “Hope for Morning” by Icon for Hire
> 
> I want to thank LeeD, superpie, CharlottesWeb1952, Noctimaniac, acrosstheuniverse, Daeris (Myllakka), AshQueen1823, danceofshadows, Leithold, Stary_Knight_Watch, Rainwing_Galaxy4611, lisahra, Atrafa, EurydiceAnstice, Orlha, catschmi, infpgirl, SeeTheUnseen, historicfailure (FreakyPseudWriter), Pat_Morais, BellamyHawkins, ShawneeXSavage, OsamuTheStorm, greasergirlalex, Yui123 and 31 guests for all the kudos! THANK YOU!
> 
>  
> 
> I want to thank Pat_Morais, Kurochach, OsamuTheStorm, FreakyPseudWriter, Orlha, superpie for the comments! :D
> 
>  
> 
> I want to thank chinggay85, DrAnime203, Noctimaniac, acrosstheuniverse, Daeris (Myllakka), danceofshadows, lisahra, Megers, Jazz_Rose0523, Yuri123 for the bookmarks!  
> This story was original two chapters, but after writing it, I realized I wanted to make it a bit longer. And it keeps getting longer and longer.
> 
> * * *

“Out of Place Pt 3”

_“What if my words are meaningless?_

_What if my heart is misleading this?”_

—“Hope of Morning”, by Icon for Hire 

It had been cold. 

She had been so lost. 

She felt like darkness was drawing her deeper and deeper down into a black pit until she couldn’t see anymore. She can’t exactly remember what happened, or when the voices like hooks clawed at her mind until it caught in the undertow of her emotions. She tried the meditation techniques that Inoichi attempted to teach her, tried to think up a million distractions like Jiraya had suggested, but still she spiraled downward until everything was obscured in a dark abyss. There were flickers after that, brief moments where she felt and heard a distance voice urging her to come back. She couldn’t remember exactly what she said in reply, only that her lips moved with choked words that escaped only a second after they had fallen from her lips. 

Why was she like this? Why was she so damn lost and broken? 

It was so hard to find the will to pick herself back up. There were days when she couldn’t even muster the will to get out of bed, let alone shower and eat. That same drained and empty feeling consumed her now, and further she would have drifted until she was so misplaced that she couldn’t find herself if wasn’t for the sudden warmth that blossomed inside of her. The coldness ebbed away, replaced by a cocooned and sheltered heat that stilled her dark thoughts. She vaguely recalls Kakashi— _But no, why would he be here? He wouldn’t be here,_ her mind cried—but that seemed like wishful thinking instead of reality. They weren’t close. There was no real reason for him to be anywhere near her or concerned about her. A dim light cut through the darkness. It wasn’t overly bright, but like a candle or a flame. Orange like the sunset and so warm like summer, and the cold ebbed away bit by bit. She wasn’t exactly when the panic and fear disappeared. Its grip had loosened and she was just left utterly drained like she had just fought for her life and won by the skin of her teeth. 

Rittou shifted back against the comfortable and nicely toasty pillow, and her eyes slid open just a fraction. It took her a moment to realize that the light had indeed been flames, crackling and dancing in a fireplace in front of her. Her situational awareness was broken because she was too tired to care about where she was, or who was in the room to be on alert. Her throat hurt with a cracking, dry pain and she rasped out, “Wha…” 

Her pillow shifted behind her, startling her _because pillows didn’t move_ , and hand came to rest on the front of her stomach with warm breath spilling across her ear. “Easy, Rittou. I have you,” a voice so familiar that it made her heart stop painfully. 

It was Kakashi. 

_Oh, shit. Oh, fuck,_ she thought, a knot clogging up her throat and strangled her breaths. His chest was pressed flushed against her back, one hand splayed across her stomach with his fingers just inched above the hem of her underwear and the other hand rested carefully on her hips. His legs rest on either side of hers, shielding her body with his and a million different thoughts raced through Rittou’s mind in that moment. Everything from how did she get here to how this only ever happened in her dreams to whether to whether or not she shaved her legs because she would be mortified if he felt her prickly leg hairs, and her hands grasped the blankets in front of her, clutching them in a knuckle white grip. Still the most frightening thought of all was how he made her feel. 

It felt like a warm glow fluttering in her stomach, and she was hyperaware of his long lithe fingers pressed into her flesh. She had fantasies built around those hands of his, and she struggled to draw air into her lungs. Her mind tried to piece together just how she came to be into this situation that was like a mixture of heaven and hell for her heart, and she felt her body tremble dangerously. 

“You were attacked with genjutsu,” Kakashi continued, his tone light and gentle. “Your blood limit was out of controlling. You were harming yourself and had almost frozen an entire street solid.” 

Rittou felt her stomach clench painfully, and her pulse raced in a rapid pace underneath her skin. Who would use a genjutsu on her? The column of her throat convulsed slightly, and she noticed her body shivering uncontrollably. The spasm and twitches, her body was fighting to get rid of the chill and heat back up. “Di…did I…” She struggled, her throat hurt really badly. 

She felt Kakashi remove his hand away from her hip, but the touch lingered on her skin like a ghost. She saw him out of the corner of her eye lift his hand to his mouth, and bit his thumb through his mask. He summoned one of his ninken named Pakkun, who had the appearance of a miniature pug with soft brown fur, the fur around his ears was a darker color like his snout. He had a tiny blue vest on and a Konoha forehead protector worn on the top of his head, and bandages wrapped on his front right leg. 

Pakkun arched a fluffy brow, looking at the cuddling pair. “Do you really think this an appropriate time to be summoning me?” The dog asked, his voice deep and gruff which contrasted his appearance. “I’m all for encouraging you to find a suitable mate and make a litter of pups, but that’s as far as I want my involvement to go.” 

Rittou choked, eyes widening. She was already on edge with the close proximity to the man who held her affections and the realization that they were both nearly naked only made her that more anxious. If this was tawdry novel, she would unleash her inner sex goddess and show him a thing or two about riding. She wasn’t inexperienced in sex, but her brief liaisons had been lackluster. She was better off giving herself her own orgasms since she couldn’t seem to do it with another person. So whatever inner goddess she was, probably wasn’t sexual in the slightest. Her inner goddess was the goddess of stress, not sex. 

“Rittou had a bad bout of hypothermia. I was just giving her body heat,” Kakashi defended, his voice sounding strained though Rittou didn’t dare to look back to see what expression was on his face. She felt her insides wither at how quickly he shot the idea of them being together down, not that she wanted Pakkun to think that they were into freaky and frankly gross stuff to summon him during an “intimate” moment but it still stung nonetheless. 

“So that’s what the kids are calling it these days.” 

“Bottle of water, please,” Kakashi asked, thoroughly exasperated. 

Pakkun huffed, padding his way towards the kitchen. There was some clanging and banging, the sound of the fridge door slammed shut and Pakkun returned with a bottle of water clasped lightly in his jaw. He walked over and plopped his furry behind beside Rittou, and she took the bottle with an unsteady hand. She had trouble uncapping the lid which turned into Kakashi doing it for her, making her blush with embarrassment and feeling like an invalid who couldn’t do anything. At least, she got to hold the bottle herself and take a few sips. That would have been another blow to her self-esteem. 

“Thanks, Pakkun,” she smiled. “And uh, thank, Kakashi for getting the lid.” 

“Maa, it was no trouble,” the Copy Nin shrugged. 

Rittou gnawed on her lower lip. It actually felt like he had gone through a lot of trouble. He had brought her here to take care of her personally, instead of a hospital which she would have hated. Hospitals were hells on earth in her eyes and she had no desire to be there anymore than she had to. She just wanted to know why he felt the need to do so much for her. She just didn’t understand it, and her stomach twisted into many guilty knots. “So long time no see, Pakkun,” she said, using the ninken as a diversion from the elephant in the room. 

Pakkun wagged his tail in response. “It’s been _too_ long, Rittou. Hey, do you still give chin scratches? Your chin scratches were the best,” he commented, shifting on his four little paws. 

Rittou let out a haggard chuckle, reaching a hand out to scratch his chin the way he liked. The dog’s eyes closed in bliss, his tongue lolled out of his mouth and his back left paw started to shake around. Finally the pug flopped over on his side content when she pulled her hand away. “Yep, that was a good spot,” Pakkun sighed, happy as a clam. “You have the magic touch, Ritzy.” 

Her entire body tensed at the old nickname, and her heart stuttered. She felt Kakashi’s eyes bore into the back of her skull, and was highly aware of how intensely he watching any and all movements she made. 

Pakkun immediately sensed her distress. “Uh-oh, wrong thing to say. I’ll let you touch my paw if it will make you feel better, Rittou,” the pug offered, lifting his front leg to show off his pink little paw. 

“Pakkun, why don’t you go annoy some of the Inuzuka clan, hmm?” Kakashi’s eye crinkled like he was smiling, but Rittou could feel the hollowness behind it. Even wearing a mask, she could tell when he faked a smile. 

Pakkun looked very disgruntled, but agreed. “Fine.” 

The pug waddled across the room, and managed to hike open the window with his paws and nose. Kakashi ever rarely locked them given that it was his favorite way to enter a building, and then the ninken disappeared into the night after shutting said window behind him. The silence following his departure was suffocating to Rittou, and she felt like she was cast adrift in a sea. She didn’t know which way land was, and didn’t know what to do. 

Rittou let out a breath, hating the way it rattled through her. She knew he could feel the tension along her spine and feel the way she struggled. She was still pressed up against him, so it was impossible for him to notice, but she didn’t want to bring up the turmoil she was experiencing. It was too raw, too real in such a dangerous way and she couldn’t face it in front of him. “Did I hurt anyone when my blood limit was out of control?” She asked, her hands clenched into fists sitting on her lap. 

She should move. She have gotten off of him and moved away. Put distance between the two of them and their bodies, but Rittou was selfish. She selfishly ran from things, she selfishly turned her backs on her friends, and she selfishly sat here soaking up comfort from a man who likely loathed the idea of helping her. He probably only helped her out of some obligation to their past, or out of some sense of honor. 

“Other than Gai falling on his backside, no one was hurt but you,” Kakashi responded, after a tense moment. 

“Oh.” Was her only reply. 

Rittou swallowed down the knot in her throat, and gathered up all her courage to sit up away from him. Her limbs protested the motion, her body felt like it had been stretched too far and too thin that her proportions felt off. She grasped one of the covers, wrapping it around herself like a barrier. Being naked around Kakashi made her feel too vulnerable, though she knew he would never look at her in that light. She turned around slowly, trying not to fall over but her knee gave out and her world tilted. 

She winced, prepared to hit the hard wood floor. 

Kakashi caught her before that happened. It was strange how she could be so relieved and so torn up in the same moment. “You used a lot of energy earlier. Your body needs rest,” he said, his voice toneless. 

Rittou couldn’t deny that truth. Her blood limit wasn’t something that she used often, and freezing an entire street likely nearly caused her to exhaust her chakra pathways. If that had happened, she would have been in a whole mess of trouble than just hypothermia. “That was a nice and roundabout way to call me out of shape,” she quipped, with a half-hearted smile. Sadly, her humor didn’t seem to defuse the tension that lingered in the air one iota. 

That’s when she noticed that Kakashi’s hand lingered on her wrist. His thumb was pressed tight to the old scars there, and her heart sank into the pit of her stomach like a burning cold stone. Her heart thumped, with harsh and punctuated beats. Her eyes went wide and she stared into his single eye that was blank and bore into her with a look that she had only seen him reserve for the times that he worked in the ANBU (though he still did work for them, given that no one really ever stops being an ANBU.) “Kakashi, I—” she whispered, her voice strangled and she felt mortification well up in her eyes like tears. 

She had never ever, _ever_ wanted anyone to see her scars. The ones that ran along her wrists and the inside of her thighs, where she had fallen into a dark pit of despair and those emotions drove her to lash out at herself. It had been nearly a year since she took a blade to her own flesh, nearly a year since she had been driven to nearly her breaking point once again and only one time out of all eleven scars—she kept count of them, for they were dark reminders—did she ever cut deep enough to commit suicide. That scar had been the first, the deepest, done after news of Obito and Rin’s deaths arrived at the village. 

She felt like she had failed them and a piece of herself broke. 

“How old are they?” He asked, voice quiet and stern. 

Shame crawled up the length of her throat like broken glass, and it made it impossible for Rittou to form words. A sharp breath was pulled in through chattering teeth, and her gaze fell away from his face unable to bear his searching gaze any longer. It felt like too much of her was bare in this moment. That she laid vulnerably open, even the jagged and ugly pieces of her that she done her best to hide away and forget about for so long. “Why did you bring me here?” She whispered out. 

She could feel the displeasure roll off of him that she didn’t answer the question about her scars, but some things were too raw to speak about. The scars were that for her and she couldn’t talk about them to him, of all people. She hated the weight that seemed to clamp down on her shoulders, shoving down and down until she felt like she was would crumble apart. 

“You already know why,” he said, with a look. His vision focused in on her so completely it was as if all he saw in that moment was her, and she could feel his need to coax so many answers out of her—to draw the truth from her lips, and leave it out on the table for all to see. But he didn’t know how to ask, and in all honesty, she wasn’t sure she knew how to answer. 

“My blood limit was out of control, I know that,” she said, with just a touch of annoyance in her voice. She didn’t know why it was so hard for him to be straight forward. He liked to dance around any and all topics, just to drive people up the wall. “I just don’t understand why you would bring me here—to your home. You could have taken me to the hospital or to Anko’s.” 

“Because we are friends,” Kakashi replied, a strange tone in his voice. “And I don’t abandon my friends.” 

“Are we really?” The question slipped out before she could help it, and an immediate flush broke out along her cheeks. Her chest tightened with guilt when she caught the way his expression changed, subtle to say the least. The hint of tension crinkled along the lazy drop of his uncovered eye, and his free hand clenched as if instinctively searching out of his book to bring up and act as another barrier to the world around him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that as an accusation, or to hurt you, I just—” _I just don’t know where I stand with you,_ she finished, internally with a heavy sadness piercing through her chest. _I don’t know where I fit into your life._

“Do you recall what you said when you were under the genjustu?” Kakashi asked, after she had fallen silent. 

Rittou picked her gaze up off the floor, and her eyes darted across his face. It was difficult always trying to decipher Kakashi’s expressions. It had been easier when they were younger and closer, but time had seen them on very different paths and she knew that one of the training courses in order to become an ANBU member included the ability to control emotional reactions. All ninja training included this to some level, but given the sensitivity that the ANBU missions often carried, it was a fundamental stepping stone to be one of the best. And even though she didn’t have clearance to know what kind of missions he did, or what mask he wore, she knew from the grapevine alone that Kakashi was considered one of the best. It was futile to try to guess what was going inside of that mind of his. 

“No, not really. I just recall the feeling of being swallowed up by darkness and drowning in it,” she replied, after a prolonged hesitance. A million different worries popped into existence inside of her mind, and she wrung her hands together nervously. “Why? What did I say?” 

Kakashi held her gaze, steady and unwavering. “You spoke of Rin and Obito.” 

Rittou clenched her jaw tight. “Is that all?” 

The Copy-nin tapped his fingers against the inside of her wrist, still held tight in his grasp. “How long have you been bottling up all those regrets, Rittou?” He asked, with a curious tone. 

She flinched, ever so slightly. His question went straight for the jugular, no further dancing around it seemed. That meant he was far more serious than she had initially believed, and wasn’t about to let it simply slide away. Not that she thought he would when he touched the self-inflicted scar on the inside of her wrist. “About as nearly as long as you have, Kakashi,” she retorted, with an imperious brow raised at him. 

She wasn’t the only one filled up with demons, and would rather they be left alone instead of picked at by others. It might be a bit cruel to turn this back around on him, but she got defensive when things became too personal for her. It was a defense that was born out of self-preservations, of days where her mother would use seemingly innocuous questions to pull information out of Rittou just to torment her in some fashion later on down the line. Like the time that Rittou had mentioned her fear of snakes, and the next night had found her bed full of them—the poisonous kind, and had barely escaped without a bite. Or another time, when Rittou had explained that gardening made her feel calm and her mother put her underneath a genjustu where the vines wrapped around her, choking and squeezing the life out of her. She knew in her heart that Kakashi would never do such a thing, but she couldn’t simply wash away years of trauma honed instincts— 

A sudden dark thought unfurled inside of her. “My mother cast the genjutsu,” she whispered out. 

“Are you sure?” Kakashi questioned, his eye narrowed. 

“Not entirely, no, but she was the last person I saw,” Rittou responded, gently tugging her wrist out of his grasp. She grasped the blanket, wrapping it loosely around her shoulders. “It wouldn’t be the first time she used such methods to torture me. I wouldn’t put it past her, especially given that we had a bit of a verbal spat before I left the ryukan. She always hated when I would talk back…” She ran her fingers through the tangled notes of her dark hair, and then rubbed her heavy and tired eyes. “I don’t know I am surprised that this is happened. If life has taught me any lesson, it’s how easily and how quickly it can spiral all out of control.” 

“Why did you never tell anyone what your mother did to you?” Kakashi demanded, the hot lash of anger unmistakable in his dark gaze. 

Rittou looked like he had gutted her with that question, a tremble of hurt ran along her spine and she pulled the blanket tighter around her like a shield to ward off the pain. “I…” She averted her gaze when her voice broke, and her teeth sank into her lower lip with a stinging force. Emotions bubbled up her throat like a boiling pot about to overflow, so many stories of suffering she had just locked away because she felt helpless in the face of her mother’s apathy and sadistic torture. It was easier to pretend it was just nightmares, and therefore not real. If she let herself acknowledge they were real, the feelings inside of her began too jagged and sharp and pierced her soul deep until she felt like she would die. “Please, Kakashi. I—I can’t speak about this. I’m sorry, I ju—just can’t. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Kakashi told her, sharply. 

Rittou recoiled back from his tone. “I’m so—” she cut off the apology, and she placed her hand over her mouth. Rittou hated the way she could feel tears swell up in her eyes, and she could feel her breath come a little too harshly. It steadily got worse until it felt like she could breathe, and she pulled away from Kakashi, somehow finding the strength to sit upright on her own. It was like acid was crawling up the back of her throat, eating and gnawing away at her insides. “Ba—bathroom. Where is—” Her face took on an unpleasant and greenish hue. 

Kakashi’s dark eye widened, and then in a burst of motion, Rittou found herself in the blink of an eye kneeling on cold tile floor with a toilet in front of her face. If her internally panicking hadn’t made her sick, the abrupt rush to the bathroom surely did her in. Her shaky hands grasped the edge of toilet, while she vomited and she barely felt the gently hands, pulling her hair out of the way while she broke down. It was like her emotions collapsed upon her mind with all the force of an avalanche, and after her stomach had nothing left—she would not be eating ramen for a long while after this—she shook, her throat spasm as she dry heaved. Tears leaked out of her eyes and she hated the weakness of them, hearing her own mother’s scathing voice that shinobi do not show emotions. 

“I’m—I’m sorry,” Rittou apologized, cringing at the splatter of vomit on the tile next to her knees. An ugly memory surfaced in her mind, bringing along panic and fear for the ride. It was a memory of her getting violently ill and her mother shoving her to floor, screaming at her to clean it up. “I’ll clean—I’ll clean it up,” the words left her mouth without thought, too lost in the disoriented by the said state of her body to realize it. 

“Hush, Rittou,” Kakashi chided, his voice light and soft. A tone that she hadn’t heard in a very long time and she almost believed it was a figment of her imagination if it weren’t for the warm palm rubbing soothing circles along her shoulder blade. 

Rittou sucked in hard breath, shakily scooting back away from the toilet. She teetered on her knees, swaying unsteadily while her head spun like she had just asked Gai for a piggy back ride. “I…I don’t want to face any of this,” she whispered out, her voice raw and coarse. Her nose felt congested and her eyes were swollen, she felt utterly disgusted with herself but her outward appearance was nothing to the self-disgust felt beneath the surface. She just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come up for air again. Threading her fingers through her hair, Rittou swallowed down the lump in the back of her throat and felt is slowly sink down until it fell into her stomach with a rancorous and acrid thunk. “The sharingan…it can cast genjustu that causes a person to sleep, can’t it?” 

Kakashi nodded, after a moment. “It can.” 

Her teeth sank into her lower lip, while she battled with herself before she turned to Kakashi with pleading ruby colored eyes. _“Please,”_ she spoke, the broken plea shattered her voice and she trembled from head to toe underneath the weight of his impassive gaze. She wished she had the ability to his mind, to know how he saw and thought of in this moment. In the next, she was glad she didn’t have that ability. “Please do it. Just—just for tonight. I don’t want to face this tonight. I will…I will tomorrow, but just give me peace for tonight.” 

Several heartbeats passed, too loud and thunderous right inside of her ear that drowned out the uncomfortable silence that fell across the room after her request. Kakashi stiffened when she begged him to use the sharingan on her, and the hand on her back went utterly still. She felt those fingers flex along her skin, curling into a fist braced along her spine. For a second, it seemed like Kakashi was going to ignore her appeal. The lines around his eye tighten and he gave her a hard searching stare before his hand left her shoulder blade, reaching up to slowly push his hitae out of the way. A long thin scar that ran slashed down from his forehead across his eyelid and down to his upper cheek, the wound that had cost him his left eye and had gained him a new one. Slowly his eye lid peeled back, the red gleam of the sharingan pierced through her like a blade to the heart, and she felt a hint of uneasy creep over at the impulsive, selfish favor that she asked of him. She held his gaze steadily, feeling rooted to the spot by his eyes and then his hands reached up, caressing the underside of her jaw in all too tender touch. It made the air leave her lungs in a gasp of astonishment, her eyes growing to size of saucers and his name was on the tip of her tongue when the three tomoe began to swirl. 

And the world around Rittou melted into a blissful, dark abyss. 

* * *

There was a slight twinge in his left eye, like always when he used the sharingan but as he watched the tension and pain melt away from Rittou, he found that this was one instance that he didn’t mind using it so much. Her body slumped forward, like a puppet whose strings had been snapped and his arms wrapped around her, before she hit the floor. A mute sigh muffled by his mask parted through his lips, and Kakashi wondered if it would not have been better to make her face things tonight, as opposed to tomorrow. As a well-known procrastinator when it came to all things emotional, he knew how slippery a slope it was to just keep finding ways to avoid painful memories and situations. Still the desperate and shattered look in her teary eyes when she begged him to just give her tonight had cut him to his core, and while he had been hesitant for good reason, he couldn’t bring it in himself to deny her a sliver of peace. 

Especially since he was a big part of her hurt. 

He should have reached out to her like Minato and Kushina had pushed him to do after Obito’s death, and then after Rin’s, but…but Kakashi had been too caught up in his own grief, to busy throwing himself into his career to be bothered to glance at the girl that was left behind. His work in ANBU put him on long, lengthy mission and he rarely saw the village, rarely saw the young woman who put up a brave front to cover the cracks in her façade. He realized just how much Rittou had fooled not only him but everyone. Had anyone even seen how bad she was? That she was so depressed and twisting herself up? That she was _cutting_ herself, and ice flooded his heart when he wondered which cuts had meant to be the last cut—the final cut, with no intent of stopping the blood or coming back. 

Her cheek was pressed against his chest, her slowly and steady breaths fluttered against his skin and he stared down at her, taken aback at how small and fragile she felt in his arms. Like a wounded bird with only one good wing, grounded and with no way to fly, but she hadn’t always been this way. There had been a time, she had been harder to bruise or perhaps, her mask had just been better at concealing all the jagged and sharp edges of her pain. She endured quiet in her suffering, withdrawn and too stubborn to ask for help. She drowned herself in the past, drenched her hands in blood that was solely his burden to bear and Kakashi felt his stomach turn. The feel of those scars along her wrist was like being stabbed and utterly gutted. He recalled the suicide missions he took after Minato and Kushina’s deaths, how close he flirted with death only to, at the last second, pull back from the brink. 

Rittou had also intimately gotten to know death, in her own way. Not through dangerous missions, but by being drawn inside her head by inner demons and allowing no outstretched hand to drawn her free from their greedy grasp. Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose, before his hands created the signs and he created a kage bushin. The clone got a damp rag, tossing it into Kakashi’s hand before setting about the task of cleaning up the bathroom. Kakashi with great care cleaned off Rittou’s face, knowing she would be horrified to wake up still covered in specs of puke. A mild chuckle formed in the back of his throat, realizing that she was going to still be mortified because she let herself get knocked unconscious and left the task to him. 

Not that he minded. It gave him a bit of solace to take care of her, knowing how badly he had failed her now. _I’m going to make this up to Rittou. No more misunderstanding,_ he vowed, silently. He brushed the rag gently against her lips while his eyes admired her beautiful and noble features. The way her dark, thick lashes still shimmering with her tears rested above her cheekbones and the slight part of her rosy lips, with her hair hung down around her face in strands of ebony. He sat the rag on top of the laundry bin before he hoisted Rittou up in his arms bridal style and carried her out of the bathroom, towards the bedroom. 

She would rest easier in a bed, then on the living room floor. He nudged his bedroom door open, carefully tiptoeing past his little traps before he made it to the bed. Pulling the blanket back, he laid Rittou out on the mattress before he covered her over, tucking her in. A wave of nostalgia rolled across him recalling the nights where Rittou would sneak over to the Hatake Compound, tapping at his father’s window. Sakumo would always let the kid in, (and now he wondered if his father had known about the horrors that she had been running from at home), and bring her to Kakashi room, tucking them both and ruffling their hair fondly. 

His fingertips ghosted down across her cheek before he pulled away, slowly and purposefully. His chest expanded and collapsed with a weighty breath, and he dragged his hands down his face, rubbing his eyes wearily. He walked back out of the room, his footsteps soundlessly against the wooden floors and he made his way lazily down the hallway while trying to organize his racing thoughts. There had been a whole can of worms opened tonight, a lot of ugly pain and past hurts. He didn’t even know how to fix his own old pains, let alone knew where to begin with Rittou’s. He made his way into the living room, picking up the blankets to fold them more meticulously than necessary. 

He found his eyes drawn to the picture of Team Minato that sat upon his mantle, next to his picture of his own Team Seven. Minato smile proudly, standing behind the group of four who all squeezed together to fit into the picture. Rittou stood on the far left, sunny smile stretched across her features. Her garnet gaze was lit up with happiness and eagerness, her hand linked with his own since he had stood immediately stood to the right of her. Next was Obito—who had put up a fuss about being put in the center of the group with “Bakashi”—with an exaggerated wink, and smirk on his face while Rin was on the right side, leaning against Obito’s side with a soft smile on her face. 

In his head, Rin and Obito would know what to do. Rin had such nurturing instincts and Obito had a keen ability to know what needed to be said when things got serious, but they weren’t here, so Kakashi would have to do. He set the folded blanket on the couch, and massaged the back of his neck to remove the tension coiled underneath his skin like a knot. If Lady Saito was responsible for the attack on her daughter, then any investigation into the incident would have to be done very carefully. The woman had the Civilian Council eating out of the palm of her hand, while also quite—and disturbingly close—to Shimaru Danzō. They would need solid and indisputable evidence that the woman was guilty, but if they could get that evidence, Kakashi knew the Councils would have to come down upon her without mercy. 

Rittou was the last blood heir to the Saito Clan, the last carrier of her kekkei genkai and Konoha was fiercely protective of their Ninja Clan children to an extreme. 

Kakashi summoned another clone, and gave it a long, cold stare. “Find me, Tenzō. I have a favor I need to ask of him.” 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS STORY GETS LONGER!
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> Kakashi and Rittou suck at coping, and dealing with their demons.I based Rittou's own reaction to everything really on myself. I have a really bad habit of avoiding unpleasant things and when I have to deal with them, I have really bad panic attacks. I hope you all enjoyed and I am working on the rest of it slowly, but surely. Thanks for all the support!
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> Want to know what Rittou looks like? I made this online with an online anime character maker, then edited on my gimp photoshop. 
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> [](https://www.flickr.com/gp/152592576@N08/7qZD31)  
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> Kudos and comments are always welcomed! :D


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